is it even worth it anymore? (•︵•)
hi. i'm sorry for starting this blog in a positive way because it looks like it might be full of my sad posting for a while.
so.. i might just be overthinking stuff but i feel like i'm at a point where i can't really bring myself to do anything. i mean i can occasionally do stuff that makes me at least a bit happy (like posting here) but when it comes to school and other stuff i can't really convince myself to do it. it gets even worse because school has deadlines. and some of them are REALLY short for me.. so next thing i know i'm stressing over something i should already have done but haven't and don't have much time to finish it. that basically paralyzes me and i rarely finish the stuff during that. thankfully the teachers in my school don't really grade stuff they make us do at home so it's not really a big deal i guess but still. i also struggle with learning for tests and stuff and i just can't get it into my head.. so i'm really stressing and worrying if i'll even be able to finish school.
at the same time there's trump saying dumb things on twitter about greenland and other things, the things ice does (did they even do anything good? 😭), the department of justice protecting a pedophile (who did a lot of bad things on his island) with the us president potentially being on the same list. on the other hand you have the uk with the online safety act (more like government control act) enforcing dumb id/face verifications to access stuff. i can't wait until i can't even play minecraft without "verifying my age".. 😭 i'm sorry for talking about this, i don't usually get into politics but i just had to get this out.
all of this happening around me while i'm also struggling emotionally because i'm an extreme intorvert and don't really have anyone to talk to + i'm really scared to talk to people (even just to greet them) makes it even worse. recently i've been spending almost all day everyday in bed and even almost crying on some days. how can i be so miserable?? i also have bad parents (i mean i have a place to sleep and food and stuff but theyre really destroying me emotionally..) and my school has a counselor so i went there and i don't really want to talk about it but something happened that made me lose trust in the counselor.
so now i'm here.. thinking if it's even worth it to stay here. and i know people will always say that it is and everything but like i don't even feel safe here or anything so what's the point.. and also the world is becoming worse and worse to live in everyday. i mean don't get me wrong there's a lot of beautiful places to explore and stuff but you can't really do that if the governments or whatever don't really want you to.
i'm sorry this blog turned around so fast but i just felt like i had to get this out.. there's also a really big chance i'll end up unpublishing this after a while because i won't feel comfortable with it. so sorry if this post just randomly disappears
thank you for reading and see you next time (maybe) 💕